Breaking Free: Alexis Carpenter's Raw Story of Finding Herself Behind the Masks
When Alexis Carpenter sat down to write "Changing The Reflection: The Faces We Wear and the Truths They Hide," she wasn't trying to create a self-help book or inspirational story. She was finally ready to tell the truth – about herself, her pain, and the masks she'd worn for so long she almost forgot who she was underneath.
Born into a world of addiction and bounced through the foster care system, Carpenter learned early that survival meant becoming whoever others needed her to be. Her big brother Shawn was her protector, the one person who saw her for who she really was. Together, they weathered abuse, neglect, and a childhood that forced them to grow up too fast.
But it wasn't until October 2022, when her bonus son Jordan died tragically, that Carpenter's carefully built world began to crack. The loss stripped away her ability to keep pretending. Then, just months later in July 2023, she lost her brother Shawn too. The two deaths shook loose everything she thought she knew about herself and forced her to look hard at who she'd become.
"We only know what we know," she writes, reflecting on years spent trying to fit in, be enough, do enough. Growing up as one of the few people of color in her Vermont community, dealing with sexual assault, domestic violence, and addiction – each experience added another layer to hide behind, another mask to wear.
What makes Carpenter's story stick with you is her honesty about being a mother in a blended family. She writes about loving Jordan fiercely, despite what society says about stepmothers, and then having to live through losing him. Her words about grief and love hit hard because they're real – no sugarcoating, no pretty bows to tie everything up neat.
The book really comes alive when Carpenter talks about finally letting go of all the versions of herself she'd created to please others. It's messy and painful and sometimes ugly – but it's true. And that truth might help others who are stuck behind their own masks.
These days, Carpenter spends her time helping others find their way to authenticity. But she's not preaching from a mountaintop – she's right there in the trenches, still figuring things out herself.
As she writes in her letter to God near the end of the book, "I'm not running from my destiny anymore... I'm running towards it." It's not neat or perfect, but it's real. And sometimes real is exactly what we need to hear.
"Changing The Reflection" is for anyone who's ever felt lost in their own life, playing parts instead of living true. Through her story, Carpenter shows us it's possible to put down the masks and face ourselves – scary as that might be. Because on the other side of that fear? That's where real living begins.
